When I first started ApexofMen, I had the intention of helping people and eventually much of humanity. Money was of course a factor, but for the most part I wished to raise humanity above petty squabbles and the needless suffering and stagnation it breeds itself. Like Caesar, I had a mind for vision and wished to eruct an immortal greatness that towered all before it. You do not need to believe me, for many an article or email have I read from the grifting influencers, and many (all) have had the voice of a viper in it it’s words, but instead take to heart the lessons I am trying to purvey.
I am not here to explain myself nor are you here believe me. I am here to (hopefully) help you and you to become greater.
Unfortunately, I was quickly overwhelmed by my lack of experience and understanding the nature of humans, and quickly became burned out from lack of progress in the shadows of the success of those who I saw as unfit and entirely parroted content. Everything is subjective; an opinion, but in my heart I knew objectively the face of cheats and false messiahs, and the ignorance of vulnerable humans whom they predated/preyed on.
“Who am I to call others cheats and scams, liars and predators?” Is what I told myself, though more of it was that I do not like conflict, both from the external opinions of others and my internal opinions; that I might lose my patience against those who do not know any better but whom I wish to help.
“What is money in the face of Legend and Immortality through mythos & name? What is the petty physical versus the adoration of humanity? There is no greater treasure, no greater aspiration than to honour the heavens and soar above the clouds.”
“… and that is what separates grifters and swindlers, cheats and cons from Heroes and Saviors. It is ugliness and weakness that births grifting influential figures. Not ugliness of the face or body, but of the character and spirit. To be a cheat or fall in line as a sheep is what it means to be ugly; to admit defeat and relinquish oneself to a pitiful but comfortable existence. Ugliness is going against what the heavens have given you…”
“Immortality in the minds of humanity and the annuls of history…”
The failings of so many it seems is that of vision and grace. “If humans could just put aside their differences, their greed for but a moment – the things they could achieve.” is a common concept in (excellent) works of story telling and art/media.
I struggled with many things, including the never before experience of the dopamine that likes, retweets, and followers offered – stimulation that I quickly became addicted to and that poisoned my brain.
It is funny, finally writing this out, something I’ve repressed for so long, the weight seemingly being lifted from me, the festering in my gut dissipating, my vigor and clarity returning.
When Jesus said his beliefs, stones were throne at him by those he was trying to save, he was ridiculed and belittled by ignorant masses who could not accept such ideas. But Jesus stood firm in his beliefs until the end, not becoming complacent or betraying himself because of the opinions of others.
I became disheartened at the praise and money those, whose only goal was to become middle class, get married, and live the easy life (despite the false claims), attained with ease with copy & paste content and lack of integrity or dignity. I believed, and still do, that every man should always strive for his best, the best being the limits of the heavens, not a comfy 6-figure salary, a suburban home, a 6-pack, and “High T”. When immortality is entirely possible, when human feats out of movies, comics, or manga are possible but everyone is seemingly more interested in the “quiet & comfy life”, it is disheartening. Especially when you know how to achieve this but are left in the shadows of falsehoods because of your own inhibitions and internal conflicts.
I have over 1000 articles and countless pieces of knowledge at varying levels of completeness, all unpublished, unshared because of conflicting internal monologue and ‘fear’. Fear of being wrong, of being ridiculed, of not being able to explain, justify, or ‘prove’ my ideas & points of view.
“The path of justness and greatness is the one least walked, because it is the hardest traverse and that those along so many other paths will try to sabotage you – for you remind them of their own weakness and inability to traverse that path, and so they will try to drag you down like the hands of the dead dragging their murderer to hell.”
*Addendum 1: I realize now that in part (i.e. write down as truthfulness), this is one of the reasons I feel disdain and contempt for many whom I see as ‘competitors’ – the fact I use the word ‘competitors’ entirely illustrates my jealousy but also self hatred for not being more able and productive that I might attain what they have despite their insufficiencies – Attention, Clout, Loyal Followers, and Money. I hate myself for not achieving greatness with righteousness and truth whilst they achieve ‘greatness’ with lie and masquerade.*
One of my great friends that I met through ApexofMen once told me when I was having a crises of faith (in people & apexofmen) that “…Even if they don’t thank you, you very well could have save their life, and that alone is worth it.” which stuck with me and reminded me why I started all this in the first place – to save people and raise them above the problems that plagued them, to lead them to a higher calling and purpose than money, sex, & comfort.
It is comedic & sad that that which most people chase after: money, sex, & comfort is also that which creates and breeds much of their pain – for these are antithesis to self actualization and fulfillment.
“Money is a means to end, not the be all end all. Everybody seems to make it their life mission without any vision and wonder why they’re 40 and depressed all of a sudden.”
But through this fire I have been tempered. Through this trial I have been forged. This challenge I have overcome and have become more prepared for my quest in the process. If a foundation is shaky, then simply rebuild it twice as strong.
Humanity Lacks Belief, and I Am Here To Change That.
You Are Not Here To Explain Yourself or Justify Your Actions.
You Are Here To Lead & Save…
or Perish in the great Struggles of the Clash of ideas, history, and powers beyond our imagination.
You Are Here To Achieve Greatness & Honour the heavens…
or return to dust that you came from.