When I ‘reminisce’ or remember & voice experience with others, I feel what can only be described as a welling of emotion and with it energy or power and strength. It makes me want to combust like the sun, and sleep like a star amongst moonlight… to train harder and faster for hours, and curl up in a crystal sleeping deeper and longer… a creative force in both directions, to train harder and recover deeper, to think faster and feel stronger…
It comes from the memory and association of a smaller world, a world quite literally closer to the internal world, where the day was ‘friends and feelings’ than ‘curing cancer’ and ‘fighting wars’. It is centering, grounding almost, in the way of association from dissociation that rekindles a certain intimate flame in one side of the heart, where the opposite is normally dominant. A nighttime where thoughts were not always on the glee and joy of projects and curiosity, but the equally human longing and yearning of other thing; When a different of the five flavours of the palate sat on the tongue and rested within the heart. A world and nightly nest smaller than now, where rather than it being a ‘simpler time’ of the longing sort whereupon one is overwhelmed, too much to do, it is of a ‘smaller world’ where there was less one could do, focus and mania was more concentrated than varied. Perhaps though, this elucidation is not even needed, and the simpler answer is the most prominent; That it is indeed centering, grounding, and associating, where the age of information and internet is the opposite, and grandeur overtakes the intimate heart like a raging fire burning even a dewy mire.
A mixture of excitement, rage, and longing…
Than angst, it is something different and closer to those… A feeling of activation, drive, rage, excitement, motivation yet longing, yearning, intimacy, melancholy, and hypersomnolence…
It is melancholy and mania, a cold fire and silver blaze. A perfect extreme of sunlight and moonlight. Opposite directions that balance through polarity and pull… a cold platinum gauntlet so polished it is smooth like silk and comforting like warmth, cradling the hand that harms hearts and holds thine own heart…
Artistry of the heart and soul, where feelings of the heart are combined with creative splendor of a sparked heart… energy to create and facilitate, to express and experience and exercise…
It is difficult to articulate, but that one must be whole with all parts of them; No aspect, no feeling can be left behind or forgotten. Remembering past and peers, remembers feelings and aspects forgotten, like waking from amnesia, or waking from a melancholic dream into a manic morning & vice versa, a manic dream into a melancholic morning. Rather than the motifs of common misguided advice and ‘teachings’, it is that emotion is energy, and feelings are flow; Yours is the utmost and supreme, and therefore the proper and powerful. It is not ‘integrating’ yourself, as if you were ever disassembled, nor a nostalgic rumination, but being as you always have, and tasting a dish you had forgotten for some time. It is nothing but remembering feelings and the interactions and instances of them, which have been forgotten because of changes of context. Nothing needs to be done, and nothing needs to be read, I am just feeling manic and melancholic…
Do not flee from past or peers, and instead run to them, for emotion and feeling is fuel to the artist and berserker, just as musician and monk… All feeling and emotion is fuel to the fire of mania or melancholia, of existence and experience.
The radiant splendor of day and warmth, the beautiful luminescence of night and cool; Golden sun and silver moonlight…
To the artist, all emotion is power; To the dancer, all emotion is exercise; To the singer, all emotion is expression. All which brings emotion brings energy, expression & exercise, and elevation & expansion.
Feelings Are Power.
Apex of Men 